Kate Bridal: Wait, did you write down another half point to her, or did you-?

Larkin Harrington: Yes.

Kate: Okay, so that’s fine. I mean it’s not accurate but it’s fine.

(Kate laughs.)

Larkin: It’ll all be the same in the end. Don’t- I’m a sports…man.

(All laugh)

Josey Hoff: (Laughing) A sports man. You know you’re not a sports man because that’s how you said it.

Larkin: That’s how I said it? (Kate laughs) I have a whistle and everything!

Kate: Whistle at me about it.

Josey: Blow your whistle at her, she’s out of line.

(Larkin blows a short, timid note on the whistle. Kate laughs.)

Introduction

Kate: I'm Kate Bridal, a former attorney who never cared that much for the law.

Josey: And I'm Josey Hoff, a former paralegal who loves it. 

Kate: And this is our podcast where we talk about all the stuff that leads to burnout in the legal industry, try to offer some solutions, and maybe occasionally live up to our title. Welcome to The Legal Burnouts.

Episode 14

Kate: Honey, honey.

Josey: Yes, darling?

Kate: Do you wanna do a podcast?

Josey: I will do one more.

Kate: Well it’s a good one. We said we were done, and we lied. (Josey laughs.) We are here in Seattle together in person for once. And we are joined by my best friend in the world, Larkin Harrington, who is here hosting a newlywed game between Josey and me. Because, as we said at the beginning of the podcast, we didn’t actually know each other that well.

Josey: Yeah.

Kate: And now we know each other much better. So we’re going to test exactly how well we know each other now. 

It’s almost Halloween. We are all dressed as characters from Ted Lasso. So for those of you who don’t have a visual right now, I am dressed as Rebecca Welton, the owner of Richmond Football Club. Larkin is dressed as Ted. She’s got an amazing mustache–

Larkin: (In a southern accent) Howdy.

Kate: --that we picked up from the Spirit Halloween. 

(Kate and Larkin laugh.)

Josey: Love it. We love it.

Kate: And Josey is dressed as Keeley, because we realized height-wise, size-wise, looks-wise… we look like Rebecca and Keeley. So we’re dressed as best friends to try and give us the vibes.

Josey: Yeah. And, to add to it, Larkin is my birthday buddy.

Kate: That’s true.

Josey: We share a birthday. So I think that’s a good sign, as far as having your best friend here, and then we share a birthday.

Kate: Yes.

Josey: I’m optimistic about how this will turn out.

(Larkin chuckles.)

Kate: That’s true, yeah. The two of you met pretty quickly after you and I met…

Josey: Correct, yeah.

Kate: …and discovered you have the same birthday, and you were like, “Kate has a type.”

Josey: Yeah. (Kate laughs.) I- Yeah. And the thruple’s been going strong since.

(Kate and Larkin laugh.)

Kate: The thruple.

Larkin: Nice and strong.

Josey: We’ll cut that, but…

Kate: No we won’t. 

Josey: Okay. 

(All laugh.)

Kate: Larkin, would you care to introduce yourself at all? Just a little context on you?

Larkin: Sure. My name is Larkin. Not Ted. When I heard they were doing this and knew how it was gonna be absolutely perfect, (Kate and Josey laugh) I said, “I should be Ted, should I not?” And they both agreed. And they didn’t want to ask me initially because, right, they didn’t- You know, two beautiful characters and then let's just…get us…

Kate: (Laughing) Make you put a mustache on.

Josey: Oh my god.

Larkin: Slap a mustache on.

Josey: Just slap a mustache on Larkin.

Larkin: Yeah. But I’m embracing it. 

Kate: I’m really happy with this. She also has a whistle which I assume she’s going to alarm us with at some point.

Larkin: I will. And hopefully not the other individuals in this building.

Kate: Yes, also, yeah I do wanna say- I wanna shout out the fact that SHW, which is a production and events company here in Seattle, is allowing us to film at their location, which is very generous of them. And their CEO Brett Robertson very kindly let us use their equipment and all sorts of stuff, which is really lovely. So thanks, shout out to SHW.

Okay, so we’re gonna play the newlywed game. For those of you who don’t know how it works, Larkin is going to host. She will ask us questions about each other and we will both write down answers. So if it’s a question about me, I will write down what the truth is and Josey will have to try and match my answer. If she does she gets a point. And we’ll see how this goes.

(Kate laughs.)

Larkin: Y’all ready?

Kate: All right, who are we starting with?

Josey: Ready or not.

Kate: Who’s the first question about?

Larkin: All right, I’m gonna start with a question for Josey, about Kate.

Kate: Okay.

Larkin: Both of these lovely ladies gave me questions to use. (Larkin laughs.) But I also-

Kate: “And I ignored those, and…”

Larkin: (Laughing) No no. I used some of ‘em, but I did take, you know, some that I know about Kate and some that I know about Josey, hopefully…

Kate: Some creative license.

Larkin: Yeah. I took some. And probably some I’m gonna overlap.

Kate: Great.

Larkin: Know what I mean? Know what I’m sayin’?

Kate: Yep. 

Larkin: I’ll just flip it the other direction.

Kate: Okay.

Josey: As you should.

Larkin: Okay.

Kate: Got it.

Larkin: All right. This one I really liked, from Kate. Y’all ready? All right. What does Kate think is the sexiest U.S. regional accent?

Kate: (Laughing) Oh god. (Larkin laughs.) I feel like I’m gonna get a lot of judgment for this. Oh, oh, she’s already erasing. Here it goes.

(Kate and Josey reveal their answers.)

Larkin: (Shocked) OH!

Kate: Oh my god! It’s Boston, and you guessed “Boston!”

Larkin: I’m gonna be- Pretend not to be upset by this.

Josey: You’ve done it before.

Kate: I’ve done it before?

Josey: Yeah on a Facetime. 

(Kate laughs)

Larkin: Wow.

Kate: And I did a Boston-?

Josey: And you started talking in a Boston accent. 

(Kate laughs)

Kate: That’s a big point for Josey.

Larkin: I’m gonna have to give you a point there.

Josey: Thank you.

Kate: Amazing job. I don’t know where it comes from either. My- My only theory is that, like, Matt Damon and Ben Affleck were kind of like–

Josey: Yes.

Kate: --the studs when I was growing up, and it was all Good Will Hunting. So that’s my theory, but I have no idea.

Larkin: All right. Question for Kate.

Kate: Oh god.

Larkin: Does Josey prefer sweet or salty?

Kate: Oooo. I’m going salty. (Josey reveals her answer.) Yeeeeaaaah! 

Larkin: Uh-huh.

Josey: Salty.

Kate: We’re salty bitches.

Josey: We really are. I feel like you could just listen to the podcast and know we’re gonna pick salty.

(All laugh.)

Kate: Yeah.

Josey: See, I have a toxic trait where I have something salty ‘cause I need it, and then I’m like, “Well I can’t end the night without something sweet.” (Kate laughs.) So then I have something sweet…

Kate: Out of obligation.

Josey: But I’m a salty bitch by nature and I need salt to be the last thing I taste. (Larkin laughs.) So then I, you know, I repeat the cycle multiple times and before you know it my fridge is near empty. 

Larkin: I gotta say I’m salty as well.

Josey: Wow, we’re doing well.

Kate: Yeah. We’re crushin’ it.

Larkin: Movin’ on. What actor does Kate love so much- (Josey starts writing and Larkin laughs.) She’s already got it.

Kate: Finish the question though.

Josey: Yeah, please.

Larkin: Yeah, she’s inserted these Easter eggs in pretty much every aspect of her life, including her legal tech work.

Kate: (To Josey) Oh no, are you second-guessing?

(Larkin gasps)

Josey: I am second-guessing myself, but that’s- We’re gonna go with it.

(They reveal their answers.)

Kate and Josey: Colin Hanks!

Josey: Okay.

Larkin: There it is. Yep, all right.

Kate: Yes, it is Colin Hanks. I will evangelize for the career of Colin Hanks any day of the week, ad nauseam. (Larkin and Josey laugh) I am actually surprised this is the first time he’s come up.

Josey: I am too.

Kate: Because I am really good at shoehorning references to Colin Hanks into everyday conversations. (Kate laughs) He’s just, he’s so great. Go back, celebrate his entire catalog, do yourself a favor. (Kate and Larkin laugh) ‘Cause he’s in so much great stuff, Drunk History, the first season of Fargo…

Josey: Jumanji.

Kate: Jumanji, that’s right, he is in Jumanji. And funnily enough, his- Like, my love of him is kind of intertwined with meeting you, because I discovered my love of him watching Impeachment on the plane on the way back from the time that we met. And I texted you, I was actually texting both of you at the same time–

Josey: Yep.

Kate: –and I was like, “Colin Hanks, though. Why have we been sleeping on Colin Hanks?!”

Larkin: Why are we asleep on him?

Josey: Impeachment is really, really good.

Kate: He’s so good.

Josey: It’s so good. Yeah.

Kate: He’s amazing. I feel like he’s just like… He’s not selfish.

Josey: No.

Kate: Like the roles that he takes and stuff, there’s just like an absence of ego.

Josey: Yeah.

Kate: He’s just like supporting other people’s stories. He’s good with it.

Larkin: Let’s be honest, you also just wanna climb him like a tree.

(Kate laughs)

Josey: Yep, yeah.

Kate: Anyway, and he also just seems like a lovely human being who’s been with his wife for like 13 years, which, the bar is on the floor for men, but…

Larkin: Right.

Josey: True.

Kate: Scandal-free in Hollywood. And he has a lot of female friends who are very cool, so I feel like he’s…

Josey: With it. You know.

Kate: Toxic dudes don’t have, like…

Larkin: No, they tend not to have female friends.

Kate: Yeah. Anyway, Colin Hanks. Love.

Larkin: You’re welcome.

Josey: Clearly. 

(All laugh)

Larkin: All right. I’m going tattoo questions now.

Kate: Uh-oh.

Larkin: And it’s gonna be…

Kate: Mutual?

Larkin: …a fliparoo. (To Josey) Starting with you, what is the tattoo that is on her left shoulder, and what does it mean?

Kate: Oh,you know this.

Josey: (Desperately) I don’t think I do, Kate! 

Kate: Yes you do.

Josey: I never see you wear-

Kate: Think of your best friend. I shouldn’t give hints, but-

Larkin: Yeah, hey now, I’ve got a whistle.

Kate: (Laughing) That’s true, yeah. (Growling like Roy Kent) Whistle!

Larkin: (Also like Roy) Whistle!

Josey: Okay.

Kate: Ready?

Josey: Ready.

(They reveal their answers.)

Kate: Nooooooo.

(Larkin laughs.)

Josey: Oooooh!!!

Kate: It’s the Fox from The Little Prince

Josey: I can’t believe I didn’t get that!

Kate: And her best friend also has a tattoo of the Fox from The Little Prince.

Josey: Yeah, that’s unfortunate, man.

Kate: That’s okay, we’ve got to miss some, right?

Josey: Yeah.

Larkin: (To Kate) To turn it back…

Kate: Oh god.

Larkin: To turn it back…

Kate: Okay.

Larkin: What’s the tattoo on her right arm? What’s that about?

Kate: Okay. (To Josey) You gotta write down the answer too so that I know if I got it right.

Josey: Oh, sorry.

Kate: I mean I think this is the…

Josey: Yeah.

Kate: It’s okay, we don’t have to be that strict. (Kate and Larkin laugh.) The rules help us control the fun! Ready?

Josey: Ready.

(They reveal their answers.)

Kate: I said, “Aquarius lady.”

Josey: Yes. She doesn’t have an exact title.

Kate: It’s really beautiful.

Josey: Yeah, it’s a woman and instead of a normal head it’s a peace lily.

Kate: And she’s like watering herself, which I love.

Josey: Yes. Yeah.

Kate: Yes.

Larkin: All right. This is a speed round.

Kate: Oh god.

Larkin: Just real quick. How many tattoos do you think the other person has? Go.

Kate: Oh no!

Josey: Do I write this down?

Larkin: Yep, write it down.

Kate: Wait, okay-

Larkin: I’m gonna whistle. 

Kate: (Wheezing with laughter) “I’m gonna whistle!” 

(Larkin laughs)

Larkin: We good?

Josey: Mmhmm.

Kate: Yep.

Larkin: All right. (She blows a short note on the whistle. All laugh.) I tried to do it as small as possible.

(Kate reveals her answer.)

Kate: I went high. 

Larkin: Oh!

Josey: Holy shit!

(Larkin laughs.)

Kate: I went really high, I said 15. 

Josey: Damn, I wish! (She reveals her answer) Four?

Kate: You’re so close.

Josey: Really?

Kate: Three.

Josey: Goddammit, I almost put three.

Kate: I have three. (Laughing) How many do you have?

Josey: Seven, I think.

Kate: Oh, I went way too high.

Larkin: (Laughing) Way too high.

(Josey starts counting her tattoos aloud in the background as Kate and Larkin keep talking.)

Josey: One, two, three…

Kate: We should have been like, whoever got the closest without going over, but neither of us would have won, we both went over.

Josey: Four…

Larkin: I made it a little…

Josey: Five, six…

Larkin: …panicky with the time.

Kate: (Laughing) That’s true, you whistled us. 

Larkin: I whistled you.

Josey: Eight, nine…

Larkin: But quietly. Sorry.

Josey: Ten…

Kate: Oh no!

Josey: Twelve, oh shit, you are close!

Kate: You have twelve!

Josey: I always forget about my hands, but yeah.

Larkin: Oh yeah!

Kate: Ahhhhh.

Josey: Twelve total, so you’re close.

Kate: All right, so we were both in the ballpark but we don’t…

Josey: Yeah.

Kate: We don’t get points.

Larkin: All right. (To Kate) For Josey.

Kate: Okay.

Larkin: Who was her first celebrity crush? And you know I should have just followed this up after your soapbox on Colin.

Kate: (Gasping) Oh no! I don’t know! Shit.

(Larkin starts singing the Jeopardy theme song in the background.)

Josey: Yes you do.

Kate: Wait. Wait. I do. If it’s still the current…

Josey: Can I give a hint?

Larkin: I’ll allow it.

Josey: This is something you recently, very, very recently found out about me.

Kate: Oh, no. I’m positive I have it wrong then. Because I don’t think this would have been your first, I just know you have a thing for him.

Josey: Yeah, yeah, I think I know who you’re gonna say.

Kate: You know who I said. I said Jason Momoa. (Josey reveals her answer and Kate gasps.) Howard Keel!!! That’s right, that’s incredible!

(Larkin laughs.)

Josey: Yeah. So for those that don’t know, Howard Keel is from a very, very old movie musical called Seven Brides for Seven Brothers.

Kate: And many others.

Josey: And many others.

Kate: He was a big, yeah, musical star in the 50’s. 

Josey: Calamity Jane, Annie Get Your Gun, all my favorites.

Kate: Showboat.

Josey: Yep. And he’s just a… just a hunk of a man.

Kate: But we did also bond over all of us knowing the Danny Kaye film The Court Jester.

(Kate laughs.)

Josey: Yeah.

Kate: Because we made an offhanded reference-

Larkin: It was the most obscure reference I’ve ever made to that movie, and then-

Kate: And Josey was like, “Was that a Court Jester reference?”

Josey: The chalice in the-

Kate: And we all shrieked and hugged.

Josey: Yeah.

Larkin: All right. 

Kate: Let’s jam.

Larkin: I want to get this one in for Kate. 

Kate: Great.

Larkin: N*Sync or Backstreet Boys?

(Kate gasps)

Kate: Which I prefer?

Larkin: Yep.

Josey: I have a feeling it might be this, but I hope it’s not.

Larkin: (Laughing) “But I hope it’s not.”

Kate: Because you vehemently disagree? I should just throw a curveball and be like, “Hanson.” 

(All laugh.) 

Larkin: Hanson.

Kate: ‘Cause honestly that’s really what it was, but… (They reveal their answers.) N*Sync.

Josey: N*Sync.

Kate: Oh yeah!

Larkin: Well done. Well done.

Kate: Yeah. I don’t know why, I liked the Backstreet Boys too, had plenty of their stuff. I was just always- I just leaned N*Sync, I don’t know why. 

Larkin: But I mean people your and my age, it’s a question.

Kate: As an elderly- (Laughing) It is a question. 

(Larkin laughs.)

Josey: I loved the Backstreet Boys.

Larkin: Oh!

Josey: Yeah.

Larkin: Okay.

Josey: Yeah, I did not like N*Sync. 

Kate: Wow.

Larkin: Oh.

Josey: ‘Cause I have a thing against Justin Timberlake for some reason. I think he’s very overrated.

Larkin: A thing against Justin Timberlake. Wow.

Kate: Okay.

Josey: Yeah, I’m sorry.

Kate: That’s fair. 

Josey: I see us coming to an end soon.

(Kate and Larkin laugh.)

Kate: And we’re never doing another episode of the podcast.

Larkin: And that’s a wrap, I’m gonna whistle that. Okay.

Josey: And it’s been real.

Kate: This has been great.

Larkin: Oo, I like this question a lot, for Josey. 

Kate: Okay.

Larkin: (To Kate) What reality tv show/competition show would she most likely be on?

Kate: Be on?! Oh, she’s already wri- Oh my god. Okay, would she be on? Like because you like it or because you think you’d do well on it? ‘Cause you, wait, you wouldn’t do anything you didn’t think you would do well on. ‘Cause you’re a Five… I feel gross about this to be honest…

Josey: Ready?

Kate: I don’t feel confident. All right, ready. (Kate reveals her answer.) I’m gonna say Survivor. (Josey reveals her answer and Kate gasps loudly.) Dancing With the Stars?! 

Larkin: Oh my gosh!

Kate: That would have been my last guess!

Larkin: Is that another-?

Josey: Dancing is my hidden talent. 

(Kate gasps even more loudly.)

Kate: Wow.

Josey: I wanted to be on music videos very badly when I was younger. 

Larkin: Did you do fusion dance?

Josey: I did all of it.

Larkin: Same.

Josey: Yeah.

Kate: Wow! Dancing was my least of my triple threat talents. (Kate and Larkin laugh.) I was like an actor/singer/dancer.

Josey: See the thing is I can’t count. (Kate and Larkin laugh.) I can’t keep the counts. I just can’t count in my head--

Kate: In your head, yeah.

Larkin: Oh.

Josey: --because I can’t do two things at once. Does that make sense?

Kate: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Larkin: No, we're very similar. Kate watched me try to do Zumba, that was a disaster. 

(Kate laughs.)

Josey: Yeah. 

Larkin: It is a question for Josey… Well, about Josey, to Kate. 

Kate: Okay.

Larkin: Is she afraid of heights or water?

Josey: You definitely know this.

Larkin: I think she does, yeah.

Kate: Yeah, see now I feel like I did it badly. But I remember it being surprising because you love the beach so much… (They reveal their answers.) You’re afraid of water.

Larkin: Ding ding!

Kate: Yep.

Josey: Yep. I don’t like large bodies of water.

Kate: Same.

Larkin: Same.

Kate: People will be like, “I would go in a submarine.” And I’m like, “Why?”

Josey: Do you know…? No. (Kate and Larkin laugh.) I have possibilities for surviving on the ground. 

Kate: Yeah.

Josey: Not in the water.

Larkin: No. And also you’re just a little shark snack, you’re not even-

(Kate laughs.)

Josey: One bite.

Larkin: One bit.

Josey: And I’m gone. 

Kate: Yep, you’re done.

Josey: Yeah, it’s just…

Larkin: You’re an hors d'oeuvre. 

(All laugh.)

Kate: Li’l snack.

Larkin: (Laughing, to Josey) Hasn’t anyone called you an hors d'oeuvre before?

(All laugh.)

Josey: No, I’ve never been called an hors d'oeuvre, but it’s my favorite now!

Kate: “I’m not a snack, I’m an hors d’oeuvre!”

Josey: Don’t just consider me an appetizer.

Larkin: “I’m an hors d’oeuvre!”

Kate: “Bitch.”

Larkin: Get it right. Oh, my mustache 

Kate: Oh no the mustache. It’s okay. Larkin has used 3M double-sided… Like, the adhesive for these whiteboards that we’re writing our answers on she used to put her mustache on. (Kate laughs.) You don’t have to keep it on the whole time. 

Josey: Yeah, if it falls off it’s okay.

Larkin: You know, if it falls off- Oh there it goes. 

Kate: And it’s gone.

(Larkin laughs.)

Larkin: Nooooooo!

Kate: That’s okay. You going to re-adhere your mustache?

Larkin: I’m re-adhearing it.

Kate: (Laughing) Your mustache is going to keep getting further and further away from your face. 

Larkin: (Laughing) Away from my face.

Kate: Telescopic mustache. 

Larkin: It’s a telescopic mustache!

Kate: Go go gadget mustache.

Larkin: It’s like Steve Carell’s TV in The Office. 

Kate: (Laughing) It folds in if you have company. 

(All laugh)

Larkin: Oh, it looks like I have buck teeth now. 

Kate: (Laughing) It does look like… (All laugh.) The 3M foam has come down over Larkin’s teeth. Is there like a Ted Lasso beaver pun? Ted Lasso would have the perfect pun for it.

Larkin: Oh he’d- It’d be quick and right.

Kate: Quick and right.

Larkin: Oh it’s falling off my face again, whatever. (To Josey) Okay, this one’s a doozy for ya: Name the cats.

(Kate laughs.)

Kate: She’s like, “It’s not that hard.”

Larkin: It’s not that hard.

Josey: Fuck.

Kate: Uh oh!

Josey: What’s the other guy’s name?

Kate and Larkin: Uh oh!

Kate: That’s the one that I knew would trip you up. 

Josey: No, no, no, you yell it all the time, hold on.

(Kate and Larkin laugh.)

Larkin: He is the troublemaker.

Josey: I know. I can hear your voice distinctively, the tone that you do, and that’s how I know what it is. All right.

(Josey reveals her answer.)

Kate: Hermione and Oz.

Larkin: Nice!

Kate: Hermione makes frequent appearances, she yells outside the door.

Josey: Yeah and she was just in our…

Kate and Josey: Our last episode. 

(Larkin blows a raspberry as though something is in her mouth.)

Larkin: It gets in your mouth too.

(Kate laughs.)

Kate: The mustache… she means.

Josey: Yep. 

(Larkin makes another noise then all laugh.)

Kate: Larkin just rage-ripped off her Ted Lasso mustache and threw it on the ground.

Josey: Yeah.

Larkin: Jinkies, I don’t know how anyone does that.

Josey and Kate: (Both laughing) “Jinkies!”

Larkin: Okay, what is Josey’s love language?

Kate: I know this one, I remember this one. It’s actually a little surprising to me.

Josey: I know. It’s very specific though. ‘Cause I don’t-

Kate: (Laughing) It’s not just anybody. That’s why it surprised me.

Josey: I don’t really love many people, so…

Larkin: Right.

(All laugh.) 

Kate: For people she loves, it is physical touch.

Josey: Yes. Yep.

Larkin: Well done, well done.

Kate: Yes.

Larkin: This one, you’re not- I wanted to say “Least favorite,” but it’s actually “hated.” What is Kate’s, like, actual loathsome- like she hates it- prehistoric creature?

(Kate laughs.)

Kate: Ooooh! Oh my god. I was like, “Am I gonna know the answer?” (Larkin and Josey laugh.) I don’t hate a lot of stuff… And I feel bad for hating it. It’s not its fault. It’s creepy. (Larkin laughs.) I could give you a hint as well. Oh she’s already got a guess.

Josey: I’ll take a hint.

Kate: It’s to do with the water fear.

Josey: Ooohhhhh.

Kate: I was obsessed with dinosaurs as most kids are at some stage, and I had a set of cards that were like trivia cards about dinosaurs, and this one card I was just like, “I don’t wanna look at it.”

(Larkin laughs.)

Josey: I don’t remember what it’s called, so…

(Josey reveals her answer.)

Kate: (Laughing) “Sea monster!”

Larkin: (Also laughing) “The sea monster!”

Kate: The plesiosaur. 

Josey: Yeah, same thing.

Kate: That’s the one you were picturing, with the…?

Josey: Yep.

Kate: The long neck?

Josey: It’s the very long neck.

Kate: It’s the snakey neck and the little mouth. 

Larkin: Yep.

Josey: Yeah.

Kate: No thank you. That thing’s gonna come out from the depths. 

Larkin: It’s still there.

Josey: (Laughing) I almost said “centaur…”

Larkin: Centaur! (All laugh.) Prehistoric, historical…

Kate: (Still laughing) Famous prehistoric creature, the centaur!

Josey: (Also still laughing) When I wrote that down I was like, “Wait a second, that’s Harry Potter.”

Larkin: Wait a minute, no.

Kate: Because centaurs did not actually exist on the earth?

(All keep laughing)

Josey: I haven’t eaten today!

Kate: (Laughing) Whatever. 

Larkin: Am I giving her a half for…? Sea monster is-

Kate: I think she got it, she was picturing the right one, she just couldn’t remember the name of it.

Larkin: It’s a point, okay.

Kate: No, I think that’s a point.

Josey: No, I was never going to remember that name.

Kate: No, that’s okay. (Pause.) “Centaur.”

(Larkin laughs.)

Larkin: All right. How does Josey take her coffee?

Kate: Oh my god. I’m gonna write down how I take mine, and… (She reveals her answer) I said black. (She’s right.) Yeaaaahhhhh!

Josey: Oh, shit!

Larkin: Segue: What’s Kate’s biggest turn on in a man?

Kate: Wait… Oh, okay.

(Larkin and Josey giggle.)

Josey: (Quietly) I can’t say this, but…

Kate: Oh no… (Larkin and Josey keep giggling.) Oh no…

Larkin: (Laughing very hard) Oh god!

Kate: The amount you’re giggling about it tells me it’s wrong. 

(Kate laughs.)

Josey: (Laughing) But not totally.

Larkin: (Laughing) It’s not incorrect!

Kate: Oh no.

Josey: Ready?

Kate: Okay. I wanna see what you said. (Larkin keeps laughing as Josey reveals her answer.) “Fish face!” (All dissolve into laughter.) I do find myself attracted to men who look like fish and lizards, which is weird because my husband does not.

Josey: No.

Kate: He looks like Tom Cruise. But yeah, like Nicolas Hoult, Benedict Cumberbatch, Eddie Redmayne… Yep.

Josey: Yeah.

Kate: A guy with wide-apart eyes.

(Kate laughs.)

Josey: Fish face. Yep. (Larkin laughs.) Let’s just call it what it is.

Kate: (Revealing her answer) It’s actually intelligence.

(Kate laughs.)

Larkin: That is the correct answer.

Kate: That is my… I will forgive a lot of really crappy behavior for a very smart guy. And have. 

Larkin: Oo, I like this question because I don’t know the answer to it.

Kate: Oo.

Larkin: What was Josey’s first job?

Kate: Oh, shit… Legal assistant? No. (Josey reveals her answer.) Cashier.

Larkin: Cashier at an IGA?!

Josey: Yeah.

Kate: What’s an IGA?

Josey: Montana. 

Larkin: It’s a…

Josey: It’s a chain grocery store I don’t think that exists anymore…

Larkin: No, we have it here! There’s an IGA on Vashon.

Josey: Aw! I have to go!

Larkin: (Laughing) You have to go see it!

Kate: Yeah!

Josey: Yeah!

Kate: Okay, well good to know.

Larkin: What is Kate’s fictional character… What’s the word I’m looking for?

Josey: Look-alike?

Kate: Equivalent?

Larkin: Equivalent! Yeah.

Josey: Equivalent. Doesn’t necessarily look like her.

Kate: You can get a hint if you just want to get a half point.

Josey: Yeah, can I get a hint?

Kate: It’s a cartoon.

Larkin: Mustache is back on.

Kate: (Laughing) Fantastic.

Josey: I really have no idea.

Kate: That’s okay.

Larkin: All right, I’ll give you a three, two, one whistle. Three…

(Kate laughs.)

Kate: Well, let her get-

Larkin: Two…

Kate: Let her get a guess out!

Josey: There.

Larkin: One… 

(Larkin blows the whistle. Josey reveals her answer.)

Kate: Shape?

Josey: Snape. (Larkin and Kate burst into laughter.) That’s an “n.”

Kate: Snape?!

Josey: (Laughing) I don’t know why!

Larkin: I love that though! I like that answer.

(Kate reveals her answer.)

Josey: Ohhhh I do remember this!

Kate: Linda Belcher. 

Josey: Yep, I knew that!

Kate: It’s Linda Belcher. 

Larkin: “Snape.”

(Larkin cackles in delight.)

Kate: Seriously, I’ll take a quiz that has nothing to do with Bob’s Burgers and it’ll be like, “We know this isn’t normally an option, but you’re Linda Belcher, did you know?” I’m like, “Yes, I do.”

Josey: That makes sense.

Kate: I would definitely have a Gene. (Imitating Linda Belcher) My little theatrical baby! 

(Larkin laughs.)

Larkin: There it is. There it is.

Kate: (Still like Linda Belcher) Little talented guy. (In normal voice) Where are we at score-wise? I wanna know.

Larkin: Score-wise…

Josey: Yeah.

Larkin: You’re tied.

Kate: Okay.

Larkin: (To Josey) How does Kate feel about foot massages?

Kate: (Shakily) Oooh! 

Larkin: (Imitating Kate) Oooh!

(Kate and Larkin laugh.)

Kate: Receiving. 

Larkin: Receiving. And/or giving, however you-

Kate: No, I…  it’s different.

Larkin: Oh yeah.

Kate: Ready? (They reveal their answers, Larkin laughs.) Correct, I just said, “NO” in all caps and underlined.

Larkin: “NO!”

Josey: Yeah, she hates them.

Kate: Josey said, “She hates them.”

Josey: You have a thing about feet, right?

Kate: Yeah, I don’t like my feet touched. I don’t even like touching my own feet, like I do not like the feeling of having my feet touched, so it’s hard for me to…

Josey: Ohhhh.

Kate: …exfoliate them, because I hate it so much.

Larkin: You just don’t like it.

Josey: It’s the feeling that you hate.

Kate: I also hate the feeling of something rough on my skin so it’s a double whammy for me in the, like…

Josey: Yeah, I can’t do the sandpaper rubbing thing.

Kate: Well we also both hate nail files. 

Josey: Yeah.

Kate: Do you hate nail files also, Larkin?

Larkin: I don’t have… No, I have no opinion about nail files.

Kate: Really? I feel it in my teeth… (Larkin gasps) when my nails are being filed.

Josey: It’s hard.

Larkin: I mean I prefer the metal ones. 

Kate: Well I got a glass one, ‘cause I heard- a glass nail file because I heard that was better, and then it was a lie. 

(Larkin and Kate laugh.)

Larkin: It was untrue.

Josey: They don’t work very well.

Kate: (Laughing) It’s almost worse. 

Josey: Yeah.

Larkin: All right, we have another speed round for y’all. Kay?

Kate: Uh oh. So you’re gonna whistle?

Larkin: I’m gonna whistle. 

Kate: (Growling like Roy Kent again) Whistle!

Larkin: (Also like Roy) Whistle! All right…

Kate: That’s us imitating Roy Kent, by the way, I want to clarify that. We’re just growling “whistle.”

Josey: See, that’s why I’m Keeley, I’m very attracted to Roy.

Kate: Oh, me too.

Josey: Yeah.

Larkin: Well, who isn’t? Answer for each…

Kate: Other?

Larkin: Ready? Each other. Yeah.

Kate: Okay.

Larkin: Favorite mixed drink. Go.

Kate: Ooo shit.

Larkin: Five…

Kate: Oh no!

Larkin: Four…

Kate: (Under her breath) Mixed drink… Oh.

Larkin: Three… Two… One…

(Larkin blows the whistle.)

Kate: Oh, it’s so bad, the handwriting. (Larkin laughs. Kate reveals her answer.) I said old fashioned?

(Josey reveals her answer.)

Josey: I said old fashioned or a paloma!

Kate: Paloma is correct!

Larkin: Paloma’s correct!

Kate: Is old fashioned right for you?

Josey: Yes!

Kate: Wow. I really- It took me a second-

Josey: It’s because we drink on Facetime so often. (All laugh.) This isn’t impressive, it’s a concern.

Kate: You know what actually though I should have guessed is a martini. I don’t think you’ve even ever had an old fashioned on the podcast, I just know that you like whiskey.

Josey: No, because I can’t- I’ve never tried to make one, but I like whiskey.

Larkin: Well done both of you.

Kate: Thank you.

Josey: Thank you.

Larkin: All right, I asked how she likes her eggs-

(Larkin cuts off and laughs.)

Kate: (Laughing) Eggs?

Larkin: Her coffee! I would like to ask how Kate likes her eggs.

Josey: (Laughing) I was like, “Wait, when did you ask me how-”

Kate: Wait, do I know how I like my eggs?! (All laugh.) Um… I should say, “Fertilized.”

(Larkin and Kate laugh.)

Larkin: That’s what I was thinking when I wrote it.

Josey: (Laughing) Except for you don’t.

Kate: (Laughing) Except I really don’t. 

Larkin: Except you really don’t.

Kate: Please do not. 

Larkin: Annnd…

(They reveal their answers.)

Kate: Oooo. I said over-medium. You said poached or fried.

Josey: Fried.

Kate: I do love a poached egg in a benedict. But no.

Josey: Something about- I was like, bougie bitch, probably likes a poached egg.

(Larkin laughs.)

Kate: Wait, who are you giving a point?

Larkin: Oh, I forgot to give points the last time ‘cause I was laughing.

Kate: Oh, okay. (Laughing) In case you can’t tell, Kate’s high-maintenance about scoring and gameplay.

Larkin: All right.

Kate: It’s okay.

Larkin: What is the best way to get on Josey’s nerves?

Kate: Oh, there are so many.

(All laugh.)

Josey: Actually, I have to think about which one.

Kate: Hmmm… Oh, she’s writing so much, I got it wrong.

(Kate laughs. Josey reveals her answer.)

Larkin: Oh!

Kate: Ooohh! Oh no! (Kate laughs.) “Over talking/writing” is what she wrote. 

Larkin: Overtalking/writing.

Kate: (Laughing) I constantly talk too much.

Larkin: (To Josey) Oh, like you talk too much?

Josey: No, I don’t like when other people do it.

Larkin: When other people talk too much.

Josey: Yeah.

Kate: I’m definitely an over-writer, I bombard with series of texts.

Josey: Yeah, but I don’t mind when you do for some reason. 

Kate: (Affectionately) Aww!

Larkin: Well, I have pet peeves that don’t apply to people I like.

Kate: (Revealing her answer) I said ignorance, like just like…

Josey: I do hate that.

Kate: Ignorant people.

Josey: I will give you a half point for that.

Larkin: Okay, half point.

Josey: The only-

Kate: Like, willful ignorance. Not like, innocent ignorance.

Josey: I was going to say, the only thing is that, like, I make a lot of excuses for people if they are not ignorant by choice or… circumstantial.

Kate: Yes, absolutely.

Larkin: Movin’ on?

Kate: Yes.

Larkin: Where did Kate go to law school?

Kate: Oh. Well, there are two options. (Josey reveals her answer.) Boulder and Cornell, I just said Cornell, but yes.

Josey: I think I should get two.

Kate: You should- Oh, pfft. 

Josey: Well…

(Larkin laughs.)

Kate: That’s ‘cause you knew you were behind! 

Josey: Yeah.

(All laugh.)

Josey: I’m being a teacher’s pet now. And I know it.

Kate: A point and a half, I would say.

Josey: All right.

Kate: I would give you an additional half point.

Larkin: All right. What is Josey’s idol?

(Pause)

Kate: What?

Larkin: You know, the…

Josey: Person I look up to.

Larkin: Exactly, thank you.

Kate: Oh, who is.

Larkin: Yes.

Kate: (Laughing) I was like, “I don’t know what it is, I don’t know what she worships.”

Larkin: Did I say, “what?”

(Kate and Josey laugh.)

Larkin: Annnnnnd, reveal.

(Kate and Josey reveal their answers.)

Kate: RBG.

Larkin: Nice.

Josey: RBG. 

Kate: I almost wrote “Bryan Stevenson.”

Josey: I- that’s my second.

Kate: Yeah.

Josey: Yeah. 

Kate: And then I was like, “Wait, nope!”

Josey: RBG was my first, and it’s mainly because she’s small like me. (Kate and Larkin laugh.) No, this is like a real thing, you do not-

Kate: Frail girl representation.

Josey: Yeah, you don’t get taken seriously when you’re small. 

Kate: That’s true, especially in the time she was coming up.

Josey: People- Like, I have to wear heels. Any time I enter like a professional conversation that’s usually the first thing they have to talk about first.

Larkin: Is how small you are?

Josey: Yeah. 

Kate: I attended like an interesting seminar at a conference I went to once. Some female attorneys were talking about how frequently it happened to them that men used their size to try and intimidate them.

Josey: Mmhmm.

Kate: Like in court or in professional contexts.

Josey: Mmhmm.

Kate: That like, taller men know that they can do that, and they will actively do it and bully small women. 

Josey: Yeah, and you can get, like hit on I feel like more, like more aggressively when you’re small because it’s-

Kate: Yep.

Josey: You’re just smaller and weaker.

Larkin: Right. Yep.

Josey: She did her and her husband’s work.

Kate: Wow.

Josey: Yeah. Like, her husband would not have graduated law school without- Because she attended his classes and her classes because-

Larkin: I think I remember-

Josey: He was- He had cancer.

Kate: Ooohh!

Josey: So he was going through treatment, but she didn’t want him to have to stop…

Kate: I was about to shit-talk him, and then I…

(Kate laughs.)

Josey: Yeah, he was diagnosed like in college with that.

Kate: That’s legit.

Josey: And they had a child already, a little one. She went to his and her classes and did their homework. Like, he would dictate and she would write all his stuff, and then once he was asleep and the kid was asleep she’d do all her homework. Yeah.

Kate: And so, but she was like giving him all the information and he was doing his own work, but she was-

Josey: She was- Yeah, she took all the notes and went to all his classes…

Larkin: On top of her own.

Josey: …and then he would dictate to her and she would write for him.

Kate: Wow.

Josey: Full time, two law students, imagine trying to do that.

Kate: I cannot. I barely made it through on my own with no children.

(Kate laughs)

Larkin: All right, I’m giving you an easy one.

Kate: Okay.

Larkin: What’s her sign? Go.

Kate: Oh, all right. (They reveal their answers.) Aquarius.

Josey: Capricorn.

Larkin: Way to go.

Kate: Yes, she is an Aquarius, I am a Capricorn, we got it right. Nailing it!

Larkin: Thought I’d give you a free point, each.

Kate: Thank you. Although as my best friend, you should be favoring me and giving me more of the free points.

Larkin: I was told not to.

Josey: But as my birthday buddy, we are connected at birth. 

(Kate and Larkin laugh.)

Kate: It wasn’t like it was the same year, calm down.

Josey: It’s still…

Larkin: Still, I sensed when she was born.

(Larkin laughs.)

Josey: Somewhere out in the universe it was like, “She made an appearance, give me a second to cook, I’m gonna make an appearance.”

Larkin: I’m gonna make an appearance.

Kate: She sent you down as a scout. 

(All laugh.)

Larkin: Right.

Josey: Let me know how it is.

Larkin: And I was like, “Send her!”

Josey: You lied to me. 

Larkin: (Laughing) I did, I did, I lied. I was like, “I’m alone!”

Kate: Larkin coerced Josey onto the earth.

Larkin: “It’s really great down here!”

Josey: It was fucked for both of us.

Larkin: “Women are fine!” 

Kate: We’re thriving.

Larkin: “We’re thriving, especially the really empathetic ones.” (Kate laughs.) “Come on down!”

Josey: Yep. “Just join, you won’t be exhausted at all.”

Larkin: Get ready, it’s all bad.

Kate: It’s all great.

Josey: Yeah. Before we get any darker…

(Kate and Larkin laugh.)

Larkin: Before we get any darker…

Kate: Before the three INFJs start…

Larkin: I’m gonna do another double ‘cause I’m running out of questions here, I thought I’d have a lot more time.

Kate: Well, that’s okay.

Larkin: I mean a lot less time.

Kate: We can end whenever we’re done.

Larkin: Okay.

Josey: I think we expected to probably do a bit more like back and forth…

Kate: Riffing.

Josey: Commentary, yeah.

Kate: I can do ten more minutes on Colin Hanks if we need it. Just saying.

(Kate and Larkin laugh.)

Josey: No.

Larkin: Okay.

Josey: All right.

Kate: Whatever, you both love him too.

Larkin: I do. Okay, what kind of law was Kate practicing when she burned out?

Kate: She definitely knows this one.

Larkin: Annnd go.

Kate: Go for it, reveal it. (Josey reveals her answer.) Housing, homelessness… yep.

Josey: Disability.

Larkin: Well done.

Kate: You threw in the disability and everything, look at you.

Josey: Well, I half threw it in, it was- I didn’t finish writing it, but you know. I don’t have good penmanship, and I don’t have a very good idea of space… 

(Kate and Larkin laugh.)

Kate: Same. I hate my handwriting and I’ll also… yeah. “Surely more letters will fit in the same space.”

(All laugh.)

Josey: As I like go sideways too.

Larkin: Surely that’s how it works.

Kate: Yeah, writing at an angle.

Larkin: Writing around… Alrighty. And this is for each other. 

Kate: Oh god.

Larkin: If she could have any superpower, what would it be?

Kate: Oo, mine’s specific.

Josey: I have a reason for mine, just so you know. If it’s wrong I still have a reason for it.

Kate: Yeah, okay, I do too.

Larkin: Annnnd…

(Kate reveals her answer.)

Kate: For Josey I said super strength. Because you are petite, I feel like you would love to be able to just throw people around.

Josey: That’s true. That is true. And then for you it’s…?

Kate: I would like to be able to transform into any animal, or like parts of myself into any animal, because then you can have super strength, or fly, or whatever you want.

Josey: I put time travel for you.

Kate: Ooo!

Larkin: Ooo!

Kate: That’s a good one.

Josey: And invisibility for me.

Kate: Invisibility was my second guess.

Josey: Yeah, I’ve always wanted to be able to be invisible.

Larkin: Hm.

Kate: Why time travel? I want to know your reasoning.

Josey: I thought you’d like to go back and see your dad.

Kate: Oh my god!

Larkin: Ohhh!

Josey: I’m sorry! 

Kate: Wow!

Josey: So that was one part, and then the other part was I was like, you like so many different eras and the styles from all of them.

Kate: That’s true.

Josey: And like, sometimes I feel like you’d like to go back and do more than you did in one moment sometimes. 

Kate: Yes, that’s true.

Josey: Like Hermione when she’s doing the-

Kate: Time turner.

(Kate and Larkin laugh.)

Josey: -multiple classes. Yeah.

Larkin: Yeah.

Kate: That is very true. That’s a good reason.

Larkin: Actually, that’s really great reasoning.

Kate: That’s really good.

Josey: (Laughing) Would you like to change your answer? (Kate and Larkin laugh) To match mine?

Kate: No. I maintain.

Josey: Yeah. 

Larkin: I feel like our reaction- We went, “Ooooh!” instead of, “That’s very sweet.”

(Kate and Josey laugh.)

Kate: That was very sweet. 

Josey: I had many things I thought of for that, I thought about this for a long time.

(All laugh.)

Kate: My dad’s dead, for context, in case anyone, uh…

(Kate laughs.)

Josey: I didn’t mean to out-

Kate: Which is why Larkin and I went, “Oohhhh!”

Josey: Oh no, you said it in the first episode. 

Kate: I did, yeah, yeah.

Larkin: Well, I don’t know if I can give either of you points for that last one.

Kate: Why? Oh, ‘cause neither of us got it right. No.

Josey: Yeah.

Kate: You can’t.

Larkin: I can’t.

Kate: No, we failed. (Larkin laughs) And we must accept it.

Larkin: You win some, you lose some.

Kate: We’ll both just think about it anxiously later.

Larkin: What mov- And again this is, again, for each of you.

Kate: Okay, all right. Gonna leave my line in the middle.

Larkin: What movie could she watch on repeat?

Kate: I feel like this has changed for me recently.

Larkin: Oh.

Josey: (Under her breath) Goddamn it…

Kate: It’s wrong, but…

Larkin: It’s wrong.

Josey: Probably mine too.

Larkin: Annnd…

(They reveal their answers and Kate gasps.)

Josey: Barbie!

Kate: Barbie is my new one!

Larkin: Oh my goodness!

Josey: I knew it!

Kate: I said Barbie. I’ve already watched it twice in the last, like, three days. 

Josey: As soon as you said “new,” I was like, I think it’s Barbie.

Kate: Yeah, I did give you a hint, so maybe you should get a half point, but…

Larkin: (Reading Josey’s answer) Good Will Hunting.

Kate: Um, Good Will Hunting. I guessed Seven Brides for Seven Brothers ‘cause that’s all I could think of.

Josey: Yeah.

Kate: But yours is Good Will Hunting. Interesting. You know what, that’s come up before. 

Josey: It’s my favorite movie. Has it?

Kate: I think so.

Josey: Okay. 

Kate: I think we’ve talked about that, probably in the context of the Boston accent. 

Josey: I feel like I talk about it a lot… Yeah, probably. That’s probably what led to it to be honest.

(All laugh.)

Larkin: Okay. Well I think we’ve reached the end of what I have prepared for y’all.

Kate: Where are we score-wise, are we tied?

Josey: Yeah, can we know that before we end?

Larkin: Josey is ahead by one.

(Josey and Kate gasp.)

Josey: Yes!

(Kate makes a frustrated, high-pitched noise that kind of sounds like Grover when he’s upset. Larkin laughs.)

Kate: I’m like, “We’re here all night! We’re gonna stay here all night until I’m winning!”

Josey: Oh man.

Larkin: The drama of it blew my mustache off!

(Kate and Josey laugh.)

Josey: That was very close.

Kate: We got most of it right.

Larkin: No, you got most of it right, I would say.

Kate: I say we crushed.

Larkin: Crushed it!

Kate: Well, thank you so much, Larkin, for joining us.

Larkin: (Laughing) You’re so welcome.

Kate: We will be back next season. Next year sometime.

Josey: Next year.  

Kate: We aren’t going to commit to a date, because I won’t stick to it…

Josey: We don’t wanna burn out.

Kate and Larkin: We don’t wanna burn out.

Kate: Thank you for listening. 

Josey: Have a good holiday season.

Larkin: I believe.

(All laugh.)

Kate: Nice. “Believe.”

Josey: Perfect.

Outtro

The Legal Burnouts is produced by me, Kate Bridal. Our music is by Keegan Stotsenberg. Our art is by Growlforce. Thanks for listening.