Episode 23. Infertility with Emily Petrich

[Emily Petrich]

My body's falling apart. Somehow my eyes started to go like kind of cross-eyed in my early 20s and it's just become worse and worse to the point where the lenses can't correct it anymore, so they have to go in and fix the muscle. 

They think it ironically might be related to the fertility drugs, but now I've got like a sticker over one of my glasses. (Laughing) It's really cute. 

[Kate Bridal]

It's okay. We're all falling apart.

[Emily Petrich]

Broken limbs. 

[Kate Bridal]

Oh, that's right, yeah, you broke your leg! What a time.

[Emily Petrich]

I’ll be more agile than everyone else because I'm just- I’ll rebuild. 

[Rhia Batchelder]

True.

[Kate Bridal]

You'll be a cyborg.

[Rhia Batchelder]

Aspiring cyborg.

[Kate Bridal]

Fertility activist and aspiring cyborg.

[Emily Petrich]

I’m putting that on my resumé.

[Kate Bridal]

I'm Kate Bridal, a former non-profit attorney who never cared that much for the law.

[Rhia Batchelder]

And I'm Rhia Batchelder, a former big law attorney who loves it but has some suggestions.

[Kate Bridal]

And this is our podcast where we talk about all the stuff that leads to burnout, offer solutions, and keep it as real as possible. Welcome to The Legal Burnouts. 

Thank you, everyone, for joining us for another episode of The Legal Burnouts.

I am Kate Bridal, and I am joined by my spectacular host- Nope. I came up with a new compliment on the fly, and then I fucked up the delivery!

(Emily laughs)

[Rhia Batchelder]

Honestly, it was going great. You got in your head there.

[Kate Bridal]

I did. I was so proud of myself for thinking of a different compliment. Because as I was reaching the terminal point of the sentence, I realized I didn't have one.

Because “effervescent” is all that keeps popping in my head. And then I got proud of myself, and then I got cocky, and then I tripped up.

[Rhia Batchelder]

You should have seen me. I was trying to record a reel earlier, and I tried to say objectively like eight times in a row. Like, I was starting it.

I was like, “I am obj-,” okay, restart. “Obj-“

[Emily Petrich]

I could not do what you guys do.

[Rhia Batchelder]

It's hard. You have to practice a lot, for me at least. I think Kate is like very skilled at it, but I- 

[Kate Bridal]

Girl.

[Rhia Batchelder]

Well, podcasting is different. For me, like recording a reel, like you're talking to your phone. It's like very bizarre, objectively. Now I can say it.

It's just sometimes you just trip up so many times, and you're like looking at yourself, and you're like, what's going on right now?

[Kate Bridal]

Oh, I'll rewrite things in the moment that I just can't get out of my mouth. Sometimes I'll have written something, and I go to say it, and I can't remember what it was yesterday. I was recording some Hannibal sketch, and I could not get-

It was just like mush coming out of my mouth, and I was like, “I just have to say this a different way. I think that was funny, but I'm not going to deliver it. So it's not going to be funny.”

So I got to let it go.

[Rhia Batchelder]

(Laughing) It’s hard. It’s hard out here.

[Kate Bridal]

Rhia, how are you doing today? Other than, you know- You are spectacular.

[Rhia Batchelder]

Thank you.

[Kate Bridal]

The important part I got out.

[Rhia Batchelder]

I'm good. Today has been really busy. I've actually been having like a big light bulb moment today of feeling like really excited about how busy I am and where my business is going.

And for a while after burnout recovery, that was like a really big fear of mine. And I'm just feeling like solid. Like I got me. And things are expanding and the impact is expanding. And I can kind of see a path to my big dreams for what I'm doing. The work that we're trying to do out here.

And it just feels really good. 

[Kate Bridal]

Yay!

[Rhia Batchelder]

Feels really good to have done all the work. The last several years of healing from burnout has been really hard in so many ways.

But I'm just kind of feeling that moment where you're like, “Oh, I'm on a new level now.” You know what I mean? 

[Kate Bridal]

That's amazing.

[Emily Petrich]

Yay! We love self-care and confidence!

[Kate Bridal]

We do. We love to hear it. And I was thinking about how- I think this is such a benefit for the podcast too- You being several years into your burnout recovery journey. And then obviously, of course, the benefit of you being an expert in burnout recovery. 

But me just kind of starting the process and being a few months in and getting my feet under me and starting to incorporate some of the things that I'm learning from you and seeing how it's working for me and what works and what doesn't.

And I think it's- The more I listen to more of our episodes and how we each kind of bring up both of our journeys I'm like, that's really cool, actually, to kind of see the two phases of it.

[Rhia Batchelder]

True! Welcome wherever you are. 

[Emily Petrich]

Yeah, I just started following you too. And even knowing- My husband and I are talking about maybe having another kid and just seeing the things that you post and knowing what we're about to face, but having a different mindset going into it than we did last time is really helpful too. 

[Rhia Batchelder]

I'm so glad. 

[Kate Bridal]

Yay!

Well, for those of you wondering who are the mysterious voices, I mean, probably not because she'll be in the title of the episode in the description, so you can figure it out. But I will introduce her anyway. We're joined today by Emily Petrich.

Emily and her husband struggled with fertility for a long time, and she was very outspoken about that struggle on social media. And then discovered that that was surprisingly controversial and also discovered that many people, including people she knew, had gone through these issues in total silence, so she had no idea. Emily did eventually get successful fertility treatment and now has an adorable little boy, but she hasn't let go of everything that she learned on her journey to get pregnant.

And now she has become a very vocal advocate on fertility issues in the hopes of helping and inspiring others who may be suffering in silence. And she also happens to be a friend of mine that I've known since I was about, what, eight?

[Emily Petrich]

Yeah, fifth grade, I think.

[Kate Bridal]

Oh, yeah. So maybe like nine or 10. 

[Rhia Batchelder]

Cute.

[Kate Bridal]

We do have a full circle moment story that I feel like we have to tell before we get any further.

[Emily Petrich]

Oh, yeah, absolutely. I'm wearing feathers.

[Kate Bridal]

(Laughing) Yes, she's wearing feather earrings. Because when we were in, yeah, fifth grade, probably, we would do that thing that you did in the 90s, where you would record yourself on like my hot pink boombox. 

And we would put a cassette tape in that thing and we'd hit record, and we would just goof off and like, pretend to be on the radio. 

One day, we were doing that. And I can't remember, we were faking like a red carpet interview? I think?

[Emily Petrich]

Yeah.

[Kate Bridal]

And I asked Emily… I think I said, “What are you wearing?” not “Who are you wearing?”

[Emily Petrich]

Yeah, no, no, we would have never known designers. I still don't know. I mean, I probably should.

[Kate Bridal]

(Laughing) And she responded in a panic, “I'm wearing feathers!” (Rhia laughs) Because it was all she could think of at the moment.

And I could still hear it- I cannot find the tape for the life of me. I dug around at my mom's house recently.

[Emily Petrich]

Someday it'll reemerge. 

[Kate Bridal]

I hope so. But I can still literally just hear exactly how you said that.

[Emily Petrich]

The sheer panic to come up with something on the spot. That's why I could never do like improv or anything, because that's the kind of stuff that I would come up with.

[Kate Bridal]

Well, it was magical because we still remember it all these years later

[Emily Petrich]

That's true, that's true, it did stick.

[Rhia Batchelder]

And Emily today is wearing feathers. That's so cute! Y'all manifested this little moment together!

[Kate Bridal]

Isn't that crazy? We used to pretend to be on the radio together and here we are in a podcast.

[Rhia Batchelder]

That's adorable.

[Kate Bridal]

But anyway, Emily, thank you for being here!

[Emily Petrich]

Yeah, thank you for having me.

[Rhia Batchelder]

Thank you for being here. I have been dying to talk about this issue on the pod, so thank you for agreeing to come on. 

It has been a very prevalent issue on our minds and hearts as we watch America at least further restrict reproductive rights. 

[Emily Petrich]

Yes.

[Rhia Batchelder]

I have been extremely passionate about reproductive rights my entire career.

And this all feels very personal to me for several reasons, but some of which I have had many friends go through infertility. And I see how stressful it is and how Kate has mentioned and Emily is really vocal about, it can be something that women are made to feel ashamed of, and they have to deal with on their own. 

And we know that one of the anecdotes to big stress is community and vulnerability. And so I think this is going to be a hugely impactful episode, and I'm just so grateful that you're willing to come and talk about something that's so vulnerable. So thank you so much.

[Emily Petrich]

Yeah, I appreciate it. 

It is a very isolating thing to be diagnosed with infertility because you think, “Ugh, my body is not doing quote unquote what it's ‘meant to do.’” The way that I was raised is like, oh, you go to college and then you get married, you have kids, that you do all of that. And my path obviously was very different. 

Went to college, didn't really, I couldn't decide on a major, didn't want to waste money. So I dropped out and I did odds and ends jobs here and there. I went to Aveda, I was an esthetician for a while, didn't really like that. 

And then I ended up meeting my husband through mutual friends. And we were engaged for a while. And then we followed the route where we wanted to get married, have kids. So we started trying right when we got married in 2015. And after a year or so, it didn't work. 

And I had always known that I was never really regular, but I was on birth control at the time, so I figured, well, that doesn't matter. But I got off birth control and then I was super regular. And it took three different doctors I think, in the end, to diagnose me with polycystic ovarian syndrome, PCOS, which is very, very common for people with uteruses to be diagnosed with this.

A lot of times with PCOS, you also get diagnosed with endometriosis. I have suspected endometriosis, but of course, insurance doesn't cover the procedure to diagnose it. 

So once I was diagnosed with PCOS, they referred me to a fertility specialist. That doctor ended up putting me back on birth control to try to get my cycles back to a regular cycle so that I would ovulate. That turned into like six months of nothing, basically. 

And going through all these different medication trials, and then he wanted me to lose more weight, which is really hard to do with PCOS because it really affects your hormones and everything, and how you-  it makes you insulin resistant and it makes it really hard to lose weight. 

And then COVID happened. So everything shut down.

And at that point, we were really frustrated because it is going on five years at that point, trying to get pregnant with this doctor.

[Kate Bridal and Rhia Batchelder]

Wow.

[Emily Petrich]

 Just feeling very, very frustrated and like, this is never going to happen for us. 

A family friend, my parents' friend, old next door neighbor of all people, she worked at a fertility clinic in downtown Minneapolis. And she said, “Come here, he's going to help you.”

So we transferred there and did the test. It's this test called an HSD test, where basically, to be frank, they kind of clear out your tubes. They put a balloon, they shoot a bunch of dye to see if your tubes are flowing. My tubes were cleared out. Sometimes that can help. Sometimes it doesn't.

Luckily, after three rounds of- It's called ovulation induction, which is a bunch of really fun medications that completely mess with your system, and like shots right into your stomach, which also feel great. We got pregnant with ovulation induction. So we didn't have to go as far as the in vitro fertilization, but that was our next step. There were like three times, and then we're moving on. 

So we got really lucky. And even with all of those tests and everything, each round or cycle, they call them, with all of the medications out of pocket, not covered by our insurance. None of the doctor's visits, diagnosis, none of that was covered by our insurance.

My husband and I were both working at the time, but it was still costing us about $5,000 each cycle.

[Rhia Batchelder]

Oh my God. 

[Kate Bridal]

And how long is a cycle?

[Emily Petrich]

A month.

[Rhia Batchelder]

It's your, like, cycle. 

[Kate Bridal]

Wow. So five thousand bucks a month.

[Emily Petrich]

Yep.

[Rhia Batchelder]

Yeah.

[Emily Petrich]

Per cycle. So they try to time it out as best they can. But with PCOS, you don't know when you're going to potentially ovulate.

[Kate Bridal]

Right.

[Emily Petrich]

So I had to go to the doctor like every single day, like right around the 10th day of your cycle, just so they could do the ultrasound, take a blood draw, measure everything and see exactly where you're at, see where your follicles are at, how many follicles you have, if they're matured enough to release. Once they release, then you have to time the injection. And then you just cross your fingers and hope that that little one sticks.

In the back of your mind, you're hoping for multiple follicles because that obviously gives you a better chance. However, when you have those multiple follicles, you're also having risk of multiple implantation and multiple birth, which is a lot higher risk, especially for someone like me, who at that time was 35, considered a geriatric pregnancy, (laughing) which is a very outdated term. 

And with PCOS, I was higher risk for gestational diabetes, everything else, you know, they don't want me to get pregnant with multiples. I don't want to get pregnant with multiples. I would be a terrible parent to multiple kids at once. (Kate laughs) And I'll be the first to admit it!

But you're hoping for that because it gives you a greater chance of getting pregnant. And that's why I’ve become such a big advocate is for insurance companies to help cover people that want to build their families. 

And it's so easy to just get burned out with the stress of everything. You know, it impacted my job at the time. It impacts your health mentally, emotionally, physically. It's just, it's a lot.

[Rhia Batchelder]

And financially.

[Kate Bridal]

Yeah.

[Emily Petrich]

Yes. Yeah. Very, very, very expensive. And, you know, my husband and I were able to afford it. But had it gone to the next step, like IUI or IVF, we would have had to take a second mortgage out or do a GoFundMe. 

And I know so many people in the infertility community, that's the only way they can afford kids is to do a GoFundMe, which is ridiculous. 

[Kate Bridal]

Just having a kid is expensive already!

Like you're trying to also, I'm sure, have the foresight to save for actually having a kid. And, you know, that's not just caring for the kid right after it's born. You know, you're trying to think about college fund and all sorts of things that come with having a baby, medical expenses, all sorts of- dentist, God!

[Rhia Batchelder]

(Laughing) Dentists!

[Kate Bridal]

Eye doctor.

[Emily Petrich]

And it's aimed towards cis men in the insurance industry, because I can't get my fertility tests covered. But in looking at what our insurance did cover, it covered hair restoration. It covered anything and everything related to ED, erectile dysfunction. If you wanted a penile implant, that's fully covered. 

But for me to get diagnosed with endometriosis, I can't have that covered. And out of pocket, that's going to be like a $50,000, $60,000 procedure.

[Rhia Batchelder]

Wow!

[Kate Bridal]

What?!

[Emily Petrich]

Because they have to go in laparoscopically.

[Rhia Batchelder]

That's completely prohibitive. I mean, that's a down payment on a house. 

[Emily Petrich]

Exactly.

[Kate Bridal]

For an actual medical condition!

[Emily Petrich]

Yeah.

[Rhia Batchelder]

And endometriosis is so common!

[Emily Petrich]

God forbid my husband can't get it up. He's good to go. But he can. For the record.

(All laugh)

[Rhia Batchelder]

But he can! For the record! For the record!

[Kate Bridal]

No one is questioning Emily's husband's ability to get an erection.

[Emily Petrich]

If my grandparents are listening. I am so sorry. 

[Rhia Batchelder]

We can cut that part if you want, but it's hilarious, so I would like to keep it in. 

[Emily Petrich]

Yeah, I think you should keep it in. He'll be proud, everyone can know my husband can get it up.

[Kate Bridal]

Oh, great. He's going to be really thrilled with you.

[Emily Petrich]

Oh, yeah. 

I do not know how I got so lucky to have ended up with the partner that I did. I dated questionable people… 

(Kate and Emily laugh)

[Kate Bridal]

Kissed some frogs.

[Emily Petrich]

To say the least. I made a lot of bad choices. 

But just his sensitivity, and how kind he is, and patient, and just my strongest cheerleader throughout all of this. It was just incredible. He would come with me to appointments. He was just there with me every step of the way.

I know a lot of people don't have that, and that's another thing. There's people wanting to get pregnant just as a single person. I don't know how they do it, but especially with everything that you go through mentally and physically.

I was a raging bitch through a lot of it because I was so hormonal.

[Kate Bridal]

Yeah, and also being put through a lot of stress. It's like the combination. 

[Emily Petrich]

It's extremely stressful. It's isolating. 

We have a very supportive family, and we have family members who have gone through these treatments and infertility. They were all lucky to get pregnant, but that was also really hard to take while we were going through it.

I can be a little bit of a pessimist sometimes. It was really hard for me to be like, “Well, okay, but you guys are pregnant. You have your kid… What if that doesn't happen for us?” ‘Cause that is a very real scenario with the infertility community. You don't know for sure if you're going to get pregnant.

They gave amazing advice, but it's hard when you're in the throes of it to listen to people who have kids.

[Kate Bridal]

Folks who are on the other side already.

[Emily Petrich]

Yeah.

I always knew I wanted to be a mom, and I was really scared of kids for a while, but I think that apprehension was part of me always realizing that something's not right in my body. It's not talked about in school, like infertility. It's always, “Don't have sex, don't get pregnant.”

And nobody knew I had PCOS. I should have known when I first went to the gynecologist when I was 16, and I was like, “My cycles are anywhere from three weeks to six months.” The doctor that diagnosed me actually has PCOS also, and it's one of the most common causes of infertility and also a leading cause of heart disease in people with uteruses.

[Kate Bridal]

Wow, I didn't know that. 

[Emily Petrich]

So that's something I need to be careful about too with this diagnosis, and it's good to know that now because they're just finding it out. It wasn't common knowledge a few years ago.

There's not that much research on it, which is asinine to me because of how common it is, but how are we still having all of these issues and complications during pregnancy, especially in the minority groups?  We need to make it more accessible for everyone to have this safe way to build their families and follow from start to finish. 

One in seven people deal with infertility in some way or another, and the fact that it's not more widely studied or spoken about blows my mind.

[Kate Bridal]

Yeah, I had no idea the numbers were that high. 

And that leads me to a question that I have for you. I was wondering how you decided to be so vocal about it, because I remember distinctly how vocal you were as far as I could tell the whole time. So what brought you to that point to decide that you were going to put it out there on social media and stuff?

[Emily Petrich]

I think it was really kind of a breaking point once we got that infertility diagnosis, and I was so sick of people asking at family gatherings, “When are you getting pregnant? When are you going to have kids? Do you want to have kids?”

People don't understand that that can be a very sensitive subject, especially when you're in the thick of it. That was really hard for me, going to Thanksgivings and stuff and people not knowing, and you have to just pretend everything's okay when it's not okay. 

I'm sick. People are like, “Why aren't you eating?” Because I'm going to throw up because I'm on really nasty medication. Or I've got tests next week, and then I'm really stressed about these doctor's appointments coming up, and it's always, always, always at the forefront of your mind.

And I was just so sick of all of the questions that I just put it out there one day and just said, “I don't know if we can have kids. I would love to be a mom, but we don't know if that's going to be an option for us.” 

And then you get all of the questions: “Why don't you adopt? Why don't you do surrogacy? Why don't you do this? Have you tried this? Have you tried this?”

 Just to be slammed with all of those questions, and at that point, I was just like, I can't do this anymore. I can't pretend like everything's okay because it's not okay. I'm not okay. We're going through it. I'm in the thick of it. 

And if I don't show up to your kids' birthday party or something, it's nothing against you. It's not to hurt you. It's just that mentally, I cannot take it anymore. And it's so hard for me to be around kids right now. 

I missed a lot of family gatherings because of that. But that was my coping thing. It's just I need to be alone. I need to deal with it. I need to be in my feelings. And I really should have embraced therapy more than I did back then. It's okay to not be okay.

[Kate Bridal]

Yes.

[Rhia Batchelder]

Yeah. It's interesting how many people want to fix the issue.

And I've noticed myself doing that at first with friends who are going through it, where you do want to suggest things because you want to fix the pain. 

I've learned very quickly, and my friends checked me on it and were like, “Hey, I have researched and heard every suggestion that you could possibly think of. I don't need that from you. What I need from you is like, let me vent.”

[Emily Petrich]

Yeah. And I mean, the support is wonderful. I mean, people do have the best intentions.

And it is okay to ask bringing it up out of nowhere at like a family gathering, maybe not necessarily be the most appropriate way to do it.

[Kate Bridal]

Uh huh.

So is it kind of through like posting and learning how many people you didn't even know were going through it… Is that how you kind of decided to do more activism? Or was it just that you were still really pissed off about everything or both?

[Emily Petrich]

Oh, yeah. I was extremely angsty during this whole thing. There's a lot of like, I'm a huge Good Charlotte fan, so I played a lot of Good Charlotte. 

[Rhia Batchelder] 

Love.

[Emily Petrich]

A lot of my nice emo music from like the 2000s. 

[Rhia Batchelder]

I am such an emo fan.

[Emily Petrich]

But yeah, I think the frustration was lying in the fact that like, I didn't know anyone who went through infertility that didn't have kids. 

I actually made like a secret “trying to conceive” Instagram page and was going through that and actually met a couple of people through that that told me that I should check out this group called Resolve, and they are the National Infertility Awareness Group.

Seeing how little support there is across the country… You know, I'm holding my son that I'm so, so grateful for and know all of the crap we had to go through to get him here in the first place. It's not fair that we were struggling to get him, you know, financially, emotionally, everything. 

And there's a lot of people who can't don't have the option to take out a second mortgage on a home or don't have two people working that you could afford to.

I mean, we were making- scraping just to get pay for these appointments because you have to pay for them up front. 

[Rhia Batchelder]

Wow.

[Emily Petrich]

You can't just say like, “Oh, I’ll pay for it later.” You can't have any sort of debt in order to get your next ultrasound or everything.

And again, you're going like in my instance, every single day. In Minnesota, there was only one drugstore where I could get that injection, that specific shot.

[Kate Bridal]

Really?

[Emily Petrich]

The fact that we were going through all that and it was accessible for us, we were privileged enough to be able to afford something like that, not everyone has the privilege that we have. 

I can't sit here and not do anything. I want other people to have that beautiful feeling of having a child in your arms. And the fact that people are wanting to strip that away, I can't. I can't.

I'm Irish. I'm angry. (Kate and Rhia laugh) I cannot.

I can't sit by and just not do anything anymore because people think it's taboo. I'm going to talk about it and stick up for the smaller communities that aren't as privileged as I am as a white cis female. It's not fair.

I'm not going to just sit here and say nothing.

[Kate Bridal]

Yeah. And I love your language. Need to take a page out of your book with like how inclusive your language is and like saying “people with uteruses” and not just “women.” I notice how careful and great you are about that.

[Emily Petrich]

It needs to be more second nature for me. I am definitely still working on it. But it is so important, especially in the fertility community, to use inclusivity because, again, this is something that everyone is facing, especially right now the LGBTQ community with rights on the line of just wanting to have a family.

I mean, we've got friends and family who are in the LGBTQ community who have used IVF to build their family and the fact that people want to strip that away. And I'm like, “No.”

Minnesota right now is currently trying to pass legislation to just get it so that everyone is able to have mandated access to fertility treatments and diagnoses.

And, you know, we've been watching it really closely. But the amount of control that some people want to have over our body- and Minnesota is a blue state. 

One of the representatives had wanted for people to add the addendum that if they do IVF, they would have to name each embryo ahead of time.

[Rhia Batchelder]

That’s disgusting.

[Emily Petrich]

The psychological impact that would have on a person who just wants the hope of becoming pregnant. 

[Kate Bridal]

Seriously.

[Rhia Batchelder]

Yeah, right. 

[Emily Petrich]

For the fact that you want them to then go through and potentially name each embryo, knowing damn well not every single one of them is probably going to get used? Like, that's sick. 

My husband was in the living room when I was watching this, and he said he could hear me yelling from the bedroom, like at how angry I was watching this. Like, are you kidding me?

[Kate Bridal]

The emotional impact of that, because I know you have mentioned that you, even when you were pregnant, that for a long time you kind of dissociated from it because you were like, “No guarantee.”

[Emily Petrich]

Oh, yeah. Like I said, I tend to be a bit of a pessimist on things, but I didn't, you know, when I was pregnant with my son. We had that first ultrasound,I saw his heartbeat. I was like, “Oh my God, this is real.” 

But then I'm like, “I'm going to miscarry. I know I am.” 

[Kate Bridal]

Yeah. 

[Emily Petrich]

Like knowing my luck and everything, and you know, that is a big thing, again, that can happen, especially with somebody with PCOS.

You know, it feels bad to say now, but I didn't really think of him as a baby until I was like 24 weeks long. I didn't know if it was going to be a viable pregnancy or not. I didn't want to have that bond because I was so afraid I was going to lose him.

[Kate Bridal]

Yeah.

[Emily Petrich]

That's just kind of something that you have to face too with infertility is knowing that you're going to have a higher chance of miscarrying too, which is, again, really tough in itself. And again, why it's so important for us to have better coverage for all. 

You know, some people put all their eggs- (laughing) literally put all their eggs in one basket.

(Kate laughs)

So they will implant multiple embryos to give them a better chance of getting pregnant. However, that's going to put not only the person being pregnant at a higher risk of something happening, but also your embryos. 

That's why it's important to make it more affordable for everyone, because then it lessens the chances of miscarrying or losing any of those embryos, and it decreases the chance of the person being pregnant, you know, being harmed in some way during childbirth or just throughout pregnancy in general.

There's a lot of things that happen. I developed preeclampsia the day I went into labor. 

[Kate Bridal]

Really?

[Emily Petrich]

And I was literally at the doctor's office the day before, totally fine.

[Rhia Batchelder]

Pregnancy is so – it's like so risky. It's bizarre. It's such a – it has such a big impact on the body, and that's why it's so crazy when people try to regulate it and remove care, because it's so important that people have access to care and affordable care.

Affordable, empathetic care, because I think that both of those things are often missing. 

[Emily Petrich]

Oh, yeah. I got so lucky. I had the best OB. Shout out to Dr. Martini.

[Rhia Batchelder]

Oooo, Martini!

(Rhia laughs.)

[Kate Bridal]

What an amazing name, Dr. Martini.

[Emily Petrich]

And she was feisty. I absolutely loved her.

[Kate Bridal]

‘Cause the first doctor you went to, you were not so lucky. Right?

[Emily Petrich]

No, no. He was older… 

Gender doesn't matter to me. So many people are looking at you with infertility. 

[Kate Bridal]

You're like, “I'm over it.”

[Emily Petrich] 

Yeah, “Where do you want me to drop my pants,” basically.

[Rhia Batchelder] 

Ready to spread eagle. 

[Emily Petrich]

Yeah, exactly. Like, you don't have to leave the room. That's unnecessary. You're going to see it anyway. 

[Kate Bridal]

I got the stirrups for you. Don't worry about it. I got ‘em, I know how these work.

[Emily Petrich]

I know where everything goes. Yeah, we're good to go.

By now, I'm probably a certified gynecologist. 

[Kate Bridal]

New career!

[Emily Petrich]

Yeah.

But yeah, he was something else. And I could tell that, from the get-go, he didn't understand PCOS. 

It just seemed backwards to me. Especially being in my early 30s, you know, time wasn't necessarily against us. But we always had the idea that we were going to have two kids. And I didn't want to wait that long. I'm like, I want to get pregnant now. 

We had already been trying for, I think, three years? To be told, “Well, we're going to put you on birth control. But I'm also on other medications to try to get ovulation in order and stuff that make you sick.”

[Kate Bridal]

Oh, my God. 

[Emily Petrich]

And at the time, my brother and his wife were pregnant. I have two beautiful nieces from them. But it was just, man…taxing. 

It's like, you're so happy for them, and it's their first baby. And then I've got this guy putting me on birth control for six months. It's like, “Oh, God, I don't want to wait that long.”

[Kate Bridal]

Half a year lost. 

[Emily Petrich]

I think that's one of the things, had I known earlier that I needed to be a better advocate for my own health and say, “No, I'm not waiting that long. I want to go straight to this.”

I wish I would have known that sooner and said something sooner.

[Rhia Batchelder]

Yeah. 

You're supposed to be able to trust and rely on the medical professionals. And it's so frustrating how some of them will treat you like cattle almost or just kind of like, “Oh, yeah, sure, six months, not a big deal.” That's a huge deal!

[Kate Bridal]

Well, and the idea of a fertility doctor not knowing about PCOS…?

[Rhia Batchelder]

Yeah, crazy.

[Kate Bridal]

Which- I know so many women with PCOS, by the way, like I don't know a stat, but it feels pretty common.

[Emily Petrich]

It's one of the leading causes of infertility in people with uteruses. It's just something that needs more research, but doesn't have the research.

[Kate Bridal]

Yeah. Well and that's like another element of being taxed by your body, especially in our society that puts such a premium on being thin.

[Rhia Batchelder]

Oh, my God, yeah.

[Kate Bridal]

You have this thing that's happening in your body that is physically preventing you from losing weight and making it such a struggle and then being pressured A) by society to lose weight, and then by your doctor to lose weight, who is not acknowledging this issue that you're having and not understanding. 

There's so many layers to this struggle that individually could bring somebody down, but they just are all piled on top of you. It's amazing to me that anybody survives it and gets through it and gets out on the other side.

[Rhia Batchelder]

I agree.

[Emily Petrich]

Yeah. Years and years of trial and error and hope. The fact that you go month after month after month of just being crushed, and then you have to build up hope all over again. It's really hard to not be pessimistic during the process.

I think that's why it's so important, again, for more research, more funding, more just support in general. Again, I wish I would have known earlier that it's okay to reach out and talk to people. It's okay to be pessimist sometimes and just you need to vent.

I did lose a lot of friends in the process, and I think it's because they were just sick of hearing about it. I don't really blame them because it was all I had on the front of my mind.

[Kate Bridal]

I love that you're open about, yeah, it's painful to see people around you as happy as you are for them. It's a dualistic thing. You're happy, but it also hurts.

I think it's important to acknowledge that and be open about it because that's such something that people would shame you about, be like, “Oh, well, you should just be happy for other people, blah, blah, blah.” No, that's not how human beings work. 

[Rhia Batchelder]

Right.

[Kate Bridal]

You're allowed to also feel your pain about it.

[Emily Petrich]

Exactly, and it's not just one way or another, like you have to be this or this. You can feel all of those emotions at once, and you are feeling a ton of emotions exponentially.

 It would have been nice to have had more people be like, I get it. You're allowed to feel like shit. You're allowed to not go out. You're allowed to not do this instead of people being like, “You're being antisocial!”

[Rhia Batchelder]

Yeah, right. So everyone listening, if you're supporting someone going through infertility, no suggestions.

[Emily Petrich]

Let them bitch.

[Rhia Batchelder]

No questions unless the question is, “What do you need from me? How can I support you?”

[Kate Bridal]

Yeah, don't pressure anyone into being social, especially if you're trying to get them to a baby shower or something like that.

[Emily Petrich]

Yeah, those were definitely the hardest. You want to support your friends. I would send things in the mail or send Target ship to the house or something, and I even held my brother's baby shower, hosted that because it was important to me. 

It's really hard. And just understand if people say no, they don't have to give you a reason.

Just know that they're going through something and just say, “I understand. I hope everything is okay. If you need anything, let me know.”

[Kate Bridal]

That's great advice. It's a flaw of every human being, I think, that if you haven't been through something yourself, you just struggle to empathize with it. You don't think through what another person is going through, who is in a circumstance that you've never experienced. 

I still catch myself doing it all the time. Someone will say something and I'm like, oh, I never even thought about how hard that would be for someone in that circumstance because I've never been there.

But take this as your cue, anybody listening, even if you don't know if someone is going through it, just know it's a sensitive subject for people and it's challenging for people who are going through it. So just walk around assuming…

[Emily Petrich]

Yes. Stop asking people when they're going to get pregnant. I mean, you're essentially asking, “When are you going to get it in?”

[Rhia Batchelder]

Right, it’s weird.

[Kate Bridal]

It's invasive. 

[Emily Petrich]

Just let people live their life.

[Kate Bridal]

Yeah, yeah.

And some people don't want, I mean, like me, I do not want kids and I never really have. And you get those- Thankfully, I have not gotten a lot of reactions in years and years and years, but I used to.

[Emily Petrich]

Oh, it's so annoying. 

[Kate Bridal]

My favorite was, how does your husband feel about that? And I was like, “Oh my God, I knew there was something we should have talked about!”

Like, do you think that we didn’t… discuss this? 

[Emily Petrich]

Yeah. You're like, “Also, it's my body, so...” 

[Kate Bridal]

Also, how does he feel about it? It doesn't fucking matter because I don't want to have a baby.

[Emily Petrich]

Yeah.

[Kate Bridal]

But I wouldn't have married him if I thought he was going to try and force me into it.

[Emily Petrich]

Yeah.

[Kate Bridal]

Or we have that fundamental disagreement, you know? 

[Rhia Batchelder]

Right. 

[Kate Bridal]

So I would love to just hear a little bit more about like the activism that you've been doing, any organizations that you want to shout out or- I know you mentioned Resolve, but if there are any other orgs, any legislation we should be… (shakily) keeping our eye on.

(Rhia makes apprehensive noise, Kate makes noise back.)

[Emily Petrich]

Yeah. 

I would highly encourage everyone to go to Resolve because it does break it down state by state what is in the current legislation. I know we have a federal advocacy day coming up with Resolve, so I'll be participating in that this year, which is very scary for me because unlike you guys, I did not go to law school and I am learning a lot about the law because this is really important to me.

[Rhia Batchelder]

You're doing amazing. 

[Emily Petrich]

The state of Minnesota, we are trying to pass legislation where it would mandate that all insurance companies cover the diagnosis and treatments of infertility. 

[Kate Bridal]

Wow.

[Emily Petrich]

It did pass the House, barely. Just yesterday, we had a hearing in the Senate and it was added to the omnibus portion. 

[Rhia Batchelder]

Oh my gosh!

[Kate Bridal]

That's great!

[Emily Petrich]

I was very worried about it because right now our Senate is controlled by Republicans who tend to be against this kind of legislature, but I was very pleasantly surprised with the Republicans in our state and how very little was brought up against this bill.

Which why would you be, in my opinion? You're an asshole.

(Rhia laughs.) 

[Kate Bridal]

Control of bodies of people with uteruses and not wanting certain people to have babies.

[Emily Petrich]

Exactly, and it's adding in that inclusivity so that everyone would be included. 

One of the great things about this bill that was introduced is that they want to include medically induced infertility, so people who go through cancer treatments often prior, once they get the diagnosis, unfortunately have to decide before any of the treatments, do you want to harvest eggs? And that includes pediatric patients.

(Kate gasps)

[Rhia Batchelder]

Oh my God. 

[Emily Petrich]

So that's why this is really important to pass too, is so that they have the option further down the road to potentially have their own genetic children. 

[Kate Bridal]

Wow, that just made me choke up.

[Rhia Batchelder]

Me too, I'm going to cry. That really fucked me up. 

[Emily Petrich]

Like these parents are having to decide this for these kids and the fact that it's not currently covered…

[Rhia Batchelder]

Oh my God. 

[Emily Petrich]

And that you have to make that decision young like that.

[Kate Bridal]

When you're facing cancer treatment, which is also extremely expensive, even if it is partially covered by insurance.

[Rhia Batchelder]

Oh my god.

[Emily Petrich]

Exactly. Some people can't necessarily afford the privilege of going to the doctor to get a diagnosis.

There’s also people like me who have a diagnosis, but I don't know the full extent of it, potentially. It would include that I can maybe get further testing done. 

We need better funding. We need better coverage. And that's all there is to it. 

And taking away family building for people, it makes me sick.

[Kate Bridal]

Yeah. It's disgusting to try and take that away from people.

[Rhia Batchelder]

Yeah.

[Kate Bridal]

Well, this has been amazing.

[Rhia Batchelder]

It really has been.

[Kate Bridal]

I'm so happy that you came on!

[Emily Petrich]

I'm so grateful you guys let me come on and tell my story about burnout and infertility and how important it is for us to pass this legislation and hopefully help other people. 

[Rhia Batchelder]

Yeah.

[Kate Bridal]

Your vulnerability and your honesty is, I'm sure, going to be refreshing for so many people and going to help so many people kind of think about and feel their own feelings about it as well.

[Rhia Batchelder]

I agree.

[Emily Petrich]

Well, and if anyone needs to bitch, I'm an open book. Feel free. We've been through it. 

I mean, obviously, like I said, we were lucky enough to not do IUI-IVF, but we might down the road. And I know enough people, I know what it's like to feel like you don't have anyone to complain to. 

[Kate Bridal]

Yeah. 

[Emily Petrich]

And that you're just stuck. Bitch to me. I'd be more than happy to talk with anyone about it. 

[Rhia Batchelder]

That's incredibly kind. 

[Emily Petrich]

And be kind to yourself!

[Kate Bridal]

Yes!

[Rhia Batchelder] 

I know. 

[Emily Petrich]

It's hard.

[Rhia Batchelder]

It is hard. I think with all the messaging around like “you're supposed to be a mother,” it's extra hard to go through this, right, in this culture. And so I love that message at the end too. Like you got to be the kindest one to yourself in the room.

[Emily Petrich]

My sister-in-law told me that, and that's the best piece of advice I was ever given, and that's the best piece of advice I could ever give. So… 

[Kate Bridal]

Love. Love, love, love.

[Rhia Batchelder]

Thank you for spending your time with us today and sharing your story. We are so honored.

[Kate Bridal]

Yes. And we will link, I'll put a link to Resolve in the episode description.

[Emily Petrich]

Follow Resolve. They're a huge help. If you're local, Minnesota, they have Minnesota Building Families Association. They have been a huge resource for me, especially during this time when we're trying to pass all this legislation. 

But a lot of states have a lot of legislation in the pipelines. And even if you don't have a law degree or the best knowledge about it, people are amazing in this community. they will talk you through it. I felt like a complete dunce when I first started. Now I'm using words like “omnibus.”

Maybe I know what it means, maybe I don't, but…

[Rhia Batchelder]

I know when to say it in the sentence, so I'm crushing it.

(All laugh)

[Kate Bridal]

The Legal Burnouts is produced by me, Kate Bridal. Our music is by Keegan Stotsenberg. Our art is by Growlforce.

Thanks for listening.